quietlyradical

United Negro College Fund (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

When I was a kid, the United Negro College Fund had a public service announcement on television that showed a young black man looking straight into the camera, while his head gradually faded and became invisible.  When his head had completely disappeared the voiceover would gravely intone, “The mind is a terrible thing to waste.”  I think that sentiment still holds true today, but perhaps we need to take things a bit further and remind some among us that “Ignorance is a terrible thing to display.”

At the risk of sounding harsh, this is the first thought that came to mind when I happened across this article, I Don’t Like to Talk to People by M. Farouk Radwan online the other day.  Radwan suggests that anyone who isn’t absolutely dying to “connect” with others through idle conversation is suffering from a variety of psychological ills including: a lack of self-confidence, repressed memories of parental rejection, or a serious inferiority complex.

I still can’t decide whether to be slightly amused or highly offended, although I suspect that Radwan’s seemingly outrageous and undocumented claims are more about selling his 2 Know Myself “self-confidence program” and a number of books with titles like, How to Make Someone Fall in Love with You and How to Get Over a Break Up in a Few Days (although if I have the power to “make someone fall in love with me” wouldn’t that pretty much eliminate the pesky break up problem altogether?)  The deeper problem, however, is that there are probably a surprising number of ordinary Americans, with no product to sell who also cling to dangerous misconceptions regarding people who are more reticent in nature.

As an African-American born in the early 1960s I have seen the evolution of racial and sexual equality that has occurred in the United States over the last four decades and while things are far from perfect, I can honestly report that things have improved greatly in terms of a reduction in blatant discrimination and prejudice.  Women, people of color, and people with physical disabilities enjoy far greater rights and fairer treatment than in times past (although with the recent re-election of Donald Trump it isn’t clear how long these gains will continue). However, quiet people do not seem to have enjoyed similar gains in respect from our fellow citizens.  I would even go as far as to assert that only homosexuals and transgendered Americans face greater negativity from society as a whole.

Serial killers, shopping mall or campus gunmen, creepy pedophiles, or even pathetic old women who somehow end up living in a house with thirty-seven cats are invariably described as “being quiet and keeping to themselves” as if this explains everything.  The suggestion seems to be that “normal people” like to talk about themselves all the time and anyone who isn’t chattering away whether it be on their cellphones during the morning commute on public transportation, to the stranger next to them in the check-out line at Wal-Mart, or in a series of You Tube videos is somehow suspect.

My “quietly radical” view however, is actually just the opposite.  While shyness among children and adolescents might be based on fear or low self-confidence (I say might because I’m not sure that even this is true 100% of the time) in adults a quiet nature is largely by choice and often has nothing to do with anything that is lacking in the quiet individual.  I like to think that quiet individuals are actually more self-confident than average, demonstrated by the fact that they don’t need reassurance or validation from others to be secure in the notion that their ideas and judgments are sound.

For me, selective silence has produced other benefits as well.  First, by not talking constantly I’m able to devote my energy to listening and other forms of observation.  Heightened awareness and a good memory for details have translated into both academic and career success and have allowed me to avoid problematic personal relationships as well.

The other benefit, (which, as a generally polite “quiet person”, I am somewhat reluctant to acknowledge) is that most everyday conversations are, quite frankly, colossally boring!  By maintaining a level of selectivity in their choices of conversational topics I think quiet people possess an advantage in being able to avoid small talk burnout and in our ability to evaluate whether what we are about to say is really worth saying in the long run.

For years I’ve enjoyed watching the news program CBS Sunday Morning.  While the topics and guests on that program are educational, entertaining, and sometimes inspirational and uplifting my initial attraction to the program was the Moment of Nature segment which ends every broadcast.  The film of mountain ranges, bodies of water, sunsets, animals, and vegetation are often breathtaking, but my favorite part is the fact that these beautiful images are accompanied by serene and soothing silence.

Without incessant, and in my humble opinion, entirely unnecessary chatter, the golden silence that ensues is one of the best luxuries that money cannot buy.